Whats the difference between human and machine? Are we cyborgs?
My computer and back up hard drive got stolen the other day and felt like someone died in my life. It had all four years of my work on it and it has all been taken away from me. I have no proof off all the hard work that I have done throughout my college carrier. I had to start my final thesis project over form scratch with only 3 weeks left to complete it. I literally have never been so upset in my entire life then I was the moment I found out the my computer and everything on it was taken away from me. I got a new computer but thats not the point. I HATE this new computer its not mine and its so different, it types different, it clicks different, it not mine. That computer was an extension of me, it had my school work, my music, pictures, websites that i have saved over the years.
So now when someone asks me are we a cyborg the answer is yes, we are a part of machines and machines are a part of us, it makes up who we are and how we live. It is part of our identity and how we get from one day to the next. I miss my computer so much and would do anything to get it back, it was more then just a machine it was a part of who I am and was a reflection of myself. It resembled my personality, the way it was organized, the type of music and pictures i had saved on there and now its all gone, and there is now way of getting it back.
I have been through a lot of shit in my life, I have experienced death and seen shitty things happen to good people and I must honestly say that this has been the most difficult situation that I will have to over come. You will never understand what it feels like to get part of who you are taken away from you, I feel lost with out my computer and a new computer doesn't replace all that information. All this new computer does is remind me everything time I go to search for some old file that its no longer there.
It sucks that there are such horrible people in this world that steel from people, I dont feel like I deserved this to happen to me, I work very hard at school and sometimes its all I do. My life has been consumed by school and studio, I strive to get good grades and am proud when I do. Besides my family and friends, school is all I have, its all i think about, its basically my life. When something that important to you is taken it makes me wonder what I did wrong. Am I being punished? Why me? I see other people who just get things handed to them, who are naturally smart, who are in the right place at the right time. I am not one of those people. I have to work very hard at everything I do, I have never had anything just fall into place for me or been lucky. I hate those people. yet their not the one getting their bag stolen. Instead they get a good job in California with an apartment by the beach. Fuck those people.
why cant something good happen for me, just once. Instead its one bad thing after another. Life sucks and people suck....The next three weeks of my life is going to suck because I am finishing this god damn project even if it kills me.
Kristie,
ReplyDeleteHere are my 2cents. You are a beautiful, smart creative person. Everything will come back to you because technically it's still in your head. As an artist, I totally feel your pain. I have lost everything before too. Years of academic work, papers, but more important a book I wrote and numerous poems. My friend lost all his paintings in a fire. He became a musician and never painted again. I think everything happens for a reason in this world. It is what with do with horrible situations that truly defines us. You did not deserve this. When someone steals from me (I had all my jewelry taken recently- just after my aunt and grandmother died and gave me everything)I wish them well. I think about my jewelry- the stuff I really loved wasn't worth anything it was so beautiful my cousin made me 7 necklaces with my grandmother's jade beads, my grandmother's engagement bracelets from 1910- I know the thief threw these things away because they weren't worth anything. It is hard to think about that. I think about my crumbling marriage and all the time I spend with this person; was it a waste? No. You can rebuild you life and it will be more beautiful and more graceful and more focused than ever before. Because you will not take anything for granted. I can see you as a driven hard working person, but you cannot let yourself be consumed by your anger, it becomes a virus and reduplicates until it consumes you.The people you envy have their own trials. This difficulty you are enduring is temporary- you are stronger than 'those people' because you have had to work for so much- I hope I haven't upset you. My intention is to help.
I would have to agree with her 100%. Honestly, I will probably never understand how you feel until (god forbid) the same thing happens to me. I'm so sorry that this happened and I think the same thing: how can someone just take what isn't theirs? It's just insane. Seriously though, in my eyes you always have one of, if not the best looking work when it comes down to presentation time so all of your hard work has not been in vain. I always liked having you and drew in my class because it made me try and work hard to stay in the same league as you guys. Anyway I know nothing I say will make what happened any better but try to stay positive and I know you will do great things even if some asshole tries to stop you.
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