post grad

i have never been so uncertain in my entire life then i am right now. I have just graduated college i have a degree in interior design and i worked my ass off for it. but guess what all that doesnt matter because now i have to "find a real job". im not even sure what that means anymore. a real job, what sittign behind a desk staring at a computer screen for over 40 hours a week. great sign me up.

with the elections coming up my parents are asking me, who am i going to vote for. and honestly i dont give a shit. do you really think one man is going to change the country around, my answer is no. lets take a look at the past. m grandparent came to america with probably less the 20 dollars in their pocket and they worked and worked to create a home and family in the new country. my parents wanted more for me. they wanted me to go to college and have the oppurunties that they never had. so they worked and worked to put me and my sister through college. dont get me wrong i appercaite EVERYTHING that they have done for me. but really what has changed. I am sitting here writing this because i think that nothing has change and i dont think it ever while. history repeats itself just in different ways. its like art "nothing is original everything is stolen". its like our parents are doing what their parent did just in a different way. and we are doing what our parents did just in a different way. our parent maybe have worked 2 or 3 jobs to put us through college. but now im sitting here out of college and guess what there are no jobs. i worked very very hard in college and only to desirve an undergradaute degree, which honestly doesnt set you apart very much. me and millions of other college graduates are looking for jobs. just like my parents were looking for jobs, so they could pay the rent and save money for a family. thats what i am doing just in a different era. nothing ever changes. NO one man will ever change that. this is what america is. we go through this cycle. we will never have a perfect country.

sometimes i hate that i am so pessimistic but i cant help it, life is what it is, you take the good with the bad. i have had some awesome amazing days and some terrible days. but thats okay because you wouldnt know the difference if there wasnt one of the other.

no clue what the point to this blog was but all i know is that i am not voting because it takes more then one man to change a country, to change anything. honestly at this point its like you only have about 100 years to live and then you die, so make the most of it.

Yes. We are cyborgs!

Whats the difference between human and machine? Are we cyborgs?

My computer and back up hard drive got stolen the other day and felt like someone died in my life. It had all four years of my work on it and it has all been taken away from me. I have no proof off all the hard work that I have done throughout my college carrier. I had to start my final thesis project over form scratch with only 3 weeks left to complete it. I literally have never been so upset in my entire life then I was the moment I found out the my computer and everything on it was taken away from me. I got a new computer but thats not the point. I HATE this new computer its not mine and its so different, it types different, it clicks different, it not mine. That computer was an extension of me, it had my school work, my music, pictures, websites that i have saved over the years.
So now when someone asks me are we a cyborg the answer is yes, we are a part of machines and machines are a part of us, it makes up who we are and how we live. It is part of our identity and how we get from one day to the next. I miss my computer so much and would do anything to get it back, it was more then just a machine it was a part of who I am and was a reflection of myself. It resembled my personality, the way it was organized, the type of music and pictures i had saved on there and now its all gone, and there is now way of getting it back.
I have been through a lot of shit in my life, I have experienced death and seen shitty things happen to good people and I must honestly say that this has been the most difficult situation that I will have to over come. You will never understand what it feels like to get part of who you are taken away from you, I feel lost with out my computer and a new computer doesn't replace all that information. All this new computer does is remind me everything time I go to search for some old file that its no longer there.

It sucks that there are such horrible people in this world that steel from people, I dont feel like I deserved this to happen to me, I work very hard at school and sometimes its all I do. My life has been consumed by school and studio, I strive to get good grades and am proud when I do. Besides my family and friends, school is all I have, its all i think about, its basically my life. When something that important to you is taken it makes me wonder what I did wrong. Am I being punished? Why me? I see other people who just get things handed to them, who are naturally smart, who are in the right place at the right time. I am not one of those people. I have to work very hard at everything I do, I have never had anything just fall into place for me or been lucky. I hate those people. yet their not the one getting their bag stolen. Instead they get a good job in California with an apartment by the beach. Fuck those people.
why cant something good happen for me, just once. Instead its one bad thing after another. Life sucks and people suck....The next three weeks of my life is going to suck because I am finishing this god damn project even if it kills me.

Design is thinking made Visual

Instead of writing something this week I wanted to put up a few images and quotes that I have collected over the years. Enjoy :)

What does music mean to me?

When people ask me what type of music I like, I always say a mix of everything. I wouldnt call myself a music fanatic but at the same time there isnt one day that goes by where I dont listen to some type of music. I am in studio all day and I am always listening to music, when I am walking to class I am listening to music, in a car, at a party, eating dinner, with friends there is always music playing. I guess I never realized how much music I actually listen to on a daily basis. I am listen to music right now. I have an itunes but mostly I like to listen to Pandora Radio because you can get a variety of different artist on the same radio and I like to mix it up every once in a while and also this radio allows me to listen to new songs.

The more and more I think about music and what it means to me I think that maybe it plays a bigger role in my life then I thought. Music can change my mood instantly. Certain songs can trigger certain memories and the emotions that go along with those memories. Some songs I can relate to and understand the hurt or pain that the arist must have been going through when they wrote that song. And some songs are just simply for fun and something to dance to. But I must say that the songs that are my favorite are the ones that I can relate to.

I was listening to a song today that I have never heard before and it caught my attention because it was talking about leaving and going somewhere far away and right now, in this point in my life, I want to move after I graduate and go someplace new. I have listened to this song about 4 times today.

I go to concerts all the time during the summer, there is something about concerts, summer, drinking, and happy people that is just awesome. I love going to concerts and I look forward to them every year. In class when we were talking about the punk rock movement and how angry everyone was and how the concerts were filled with angry kids, it made me upset that that is how they experience concerts because for me concerts are something that is fun and enjoyable, filled with drunk happy kids. I am so lucky to be living in this time where the people around me are generally happy and not angry with the world. This class has really opened up my eyes and made me realize how luck I truely am. From watching guys with dolls, experiencing second life, and learning about different time periods, i have come to a new realization that I should be more greatful for what I have and who I am. That may have been a little off the topic of music but I am also lucky to have availble to me so many different types of music and it is all avialble because of technology. Ray Kurzweil may think that we will be connected to machines within the next 20 years but hey is that really a bad thing? I think it will only be bad if we allow it to take over our lives.

List of some of my favorite songs:
Nicest thing - Kate Nash
Change the World - Eric Clapton
Say you'll be there - spice girls
Like the sea - Alicia Keys
Desire, want and Need - Big Sean
Laughed until we cried - Jason Aldean
Fast Car - Tracy Chapman
Stan - Eminem
Never Grow up - Taylor Swift

Marwencol

The documentary of Mark Hogancamp is incredibly eye opening and inspirational. Mark lost all of his memory and had to start over completely. He had to learn how to walk again, how to eat. It is sad that someone had to experience this type of trauma but I think it is incredible how he handled it. He started with his imagination and created a world of his own. He uses dolls and created a story line for his life as a doll. It is similar to second life in a way, creating a whole different life using either a doll or an avatar. For some reason i think the way Mark has created his life is a lot more...understanding? Not sure if that is the right word to describe it but second life is more pathetic is some way. Mark lost everything and used dolls as a hobby for himself to keep himself busy. He is extremely talent in created these dolls and the world that surrounds them, his pictures were displayed in a gallery, he made a name for himself. While people in second life probably already have a pretty good life and just use the program as an excuse to get away from reality.
I don't know, I just don't like the concept of second life, I have been walking around in it for a few hours and just dont get it, what is so special about this virtual reality. I like how Mark still cherishes his own life, but uses the dolls because of the fact that he lost everything he ever new. I think it is a nobel thing to try and put your life back together, mark did it in a interesting way, but at least he did it.
People in Second life, sure some make money off of it and get married and shit, but is that because they couldn't make it in the real world? Who knows, I don't get it and probably never will, all i can say is that I hope life in 30 years doesn't end up in a virtual reality, were all human communication is lost.

Second life...

Has anyone ever seen the movie Surrogates, its stars Bruce Willis. Well if you haven't, its a movie about the future and how everyone has a surrogates (robot that looks exactly like a human). The film's main concept centres around the mysterious murder of a college student linked to the man who helped create a high-tech surrogate phenomenon that allows people to purchase remote controlled humanoid robots through which they interact with society. These fit, attractive, remotely controlled robots ultimately assume their life roles, enabling people to experience life vicariously from the comfort and safety of their own homes. Anyways I bring this movie up because it reminded me of Second life. I don't exactly like the fact that I have to make an avatar for this class. I dont agree with the concept of Second life and would rather not become a part of it. But I also find useful because it is something that I would have never thought of doing it before and it is making me step out of my comfort zone. 
Second life is interesting because you can be a human, animal, robort, vampire. In other words, to me, you can either take it seriously or as a "game". 
I am going to have to explore more to understand it and determine if I like it or not... to be continued 

Arches In Renaissance Paintings

For my senior year studio project I am designing a student learning center. It is located in Boston and the building I am designing within is located on Boylston street. The building has massive arching windows (part of the reason i chose the building). It is an older building and has beautiful architectural elements.

In Botticellis's Annunciation painting that depicts the angel Gabriel's message to Mary, gray arches composes most of the painting. The arches frame Mary and Gabriel, showing that they are of two different worlds. Mary is enclosed and separated from the angel, behind her is the darkness of the room. While Gabriel is in a sense of openness, with is suggestive to the divine infinite.

I used this painting as a reference for my project. My design intent is to create private learning spaces while also creating a sense of community. I am using the arches to define these two different types of space. Like the painting there is going to be a sense of openness while also having more closed off "darker" "private" spaces.
The study model below shows the different between open and closed spaces and light and dark and how the arches define them.

Marina 33

We talked a lot about a various of different things this week that I could easily talk about in this blog. But instead I wan to take a minute and talk about something that I just read 5 minutes ago. 

As I was scrolling through facebook, like do on an hourly bases, something caught my attention. It was a status by this girl, whom I havent seen since highschool, and it said RIP Marina and then had a link below. I clicked on the link and started reading this tribute to this girl who recently died in a car crash. 

I have lost five friends over the years, and whenever I see a status that says RIP in it, my heart stops. Its one of the worst feelings to loss someone close to you and not understand why. Why did this have to happen to such a great person and why so young?

As I was reading this beautiful tribute, to someone whom I have never meet, I got chills. The tribute goes on to explain how great a person this girl was:  "we were honestly blessed to have had her voice."

but what caught my attention and the reason for why I am blogging about this is when she wrote:

  "I hate the Internet when it comes to death. It’s so easy to grow morbidly obsessed, to fall down the rabbit hole of Facebook posts and hateful comments and crash reports. But I love how the body of fantastic work that Marina produced in twenty-two years is accessible through a simple Google search."

I have read this line over and over again in my head and shes right. Technology is a fantastic thing when it comes to allowing someone to continue to live through the work they have produced on the internet. Friends facebook pages still live on, even if they dont. I have friends who I continue to write to through facebook. Idk why, maybe I think they can hear me. Its like visiting a grave, stopping by just to say hello, letting them know that we have not forgotten them. It so easy to get caught up in the internet and everything that is flying around out there, but every now and then I stop and think how wonderful it really is. I am allowed to look back and see my friends, however its just pictures and videos, but I get to remember. I miss my friends dearly but getting to visit them through the internet is nice sometimes, just to say hello or how much i miss them, or maybe share a story. 

For Marina, her friends can still look at her facebook page and read the beautiful stories she wrote and it is all possible because of the internet. 

I posted the link below because i thought it was beautiful written and wanted to share this girls stoy with someone else. 

http://alannabean.tumblr.com/post/23957934265/marina

Museum Of Fine Arts, Boston MA

I have been at Wentworth for 4 years now and I grew up in Massachusetts and have been to the MFA more times in my life then I can remember. I took field trips then when I was in Middle and High school. I was younger then and didn't have as much appreciation for it as I do now, but every time I go there I learn something new, something different. Today we walked through and talked about, Egypt, Greece, and the renaissance. We looked at painting, sculptures, carvings, pottery etc. I sat there and listened and learned about all these different things. And as I listen I just kept thinking, wow how many times have I been here and walked past all this art not even knowing what I was looking at. 
Art has always fascinated me and I loved learning about and as I look back on my life I wish I took more time or more classes to learn about it, understand the meaning and why this is that way it is and how it has influenced our lives today. With out art we wouldn't even know a lot about history and they way people lived back then, we wouldn't know what they looked liked, and how they perceived the world. 


I see the MFA to ways, one way is through the eyes of a Designer and the other is through the eyes of an artist. I have been to the MFA to learn about the art pieces, to draw the art sculptures, to look at the lighting, to look at textiles, to look at interior details, to look at the design. It has been great living so close to the MFA because I get to learn about not only the art that is being displayed but everything else that was put into the making of such a great museum. Now everytime I go there I appreciate the space, I observe different aspects of the spaces that I enter. While yes the art is the main reason people go to a museum but the museum is so much more then that. It about the details that go into to making it, the sequence of spaces and how a person moves from one room the the next, and the lighting both natural and artificial and how that impacts the space and the art.
Below are some sketches that I have drawn over the years while visiting the MFA.

Are we getting stronger or weaker?

With all the things that humans have now, compared to what we had 1000 years ago, are we becomming weaker?
Survival of the fittest doesnt seem to apply anymore, because people who are weak/stupid still recieve healthcare and continue to live instead of dieing off. So as a result do you think that humans continue to get weaker and weaker because of the mer fact that the weak are reproducing?
I think we are weaker and stronger
In terms of physique, I think that we are getting weaker or I would say lazier. If you look at our ancestors, they had to hunt to survive by killing animals much larger then themselves. Today, however, we no longer have anything to strive for we are not fighting to survive and feed ourselves. But there are two sides to every coin. Though we grow weaker in terms of strength and speed, we grow stronger in our intelligence. As we evolve we are growing smarter and wiser, learning from our mistakes. We continue to learn how the human body works and the more we learn the stronger we can all become. We learn what is good for us and what is bad and if your care about your body and health then you can become a very strong person both physically and intellectually. 


So in ways we are weaker but we have also never been stronger. 

"There seems to be a kind of order in the universe... in the movement of the stars and the turning of the Earth and the changing of the seasons. But human life is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own right and feelings, mistaking the motives of others, and his own."



I'm not perfect.
I never thought I was, and I'm never going to think that.
Because no one's perfect.


The universe has order and we have chaos.
Nothing is flat, except a pool of water. 
Perfection to for me relates to happiness.
Happiness is not a destination,
It is a mood, it is not permanent.
It comes and goes.
Perfection is not something you can see
Perfection is different for every person.